I changed my mind a million times when it came to writing this post and whether I would do it or not, obviously I have decided to do it.
Yesterday, May 16th was my eldest brother's birthday.
Jeremy David would have turned 34 yesterday.
We cannot be certain what kind of life he would be leading. We all know he would be happy. We all know he would be one hell of a man and we all know he would be going out of his way to make others feel loved. That's just who Jeremy is.
My mum believes he would have a wife and kids.
Unfortunately, he only got to experience having one girlfriend in his lifetime.
My brother was taken away from us when he was only 14, I was 5.
I do not publicise this and that is why I struggled about writing this post.
I do not use my brother's death as an excuse for anything. My mistakes are mine alone.
If you ask me, how many brothers I have, my answer has always been the same "four".
If you ask my mum how many children she has her answer has always been the same "three".
It is hard to explain what it is like living your life when such a vital person in your life has passed away.
They are not physically there, but you know they are around.
I know Jeremy saw me graduate
I know Jeremy knows my fiance
I know Jeremy feels my pain and happiness
I know Jeremy is proud of me and sometimes
I know Jeremy is disappointed in me.
We chose to celebrate yesterday by going to 14 year old Jeremy's favourite restaurant - Sizzlers.
We chose to celebrate, because the boy who was buried in "Happy Pants" would have it no other way.
I believe everything happens for a reason, even if some things I will never know the reason for.
So here I go, posting one big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my BIGGEST big brother, the one I only have a few memories of, but the one who has taught me the most..
I love you Jeremy and we will continue to celebrate your birthday every single year, because your birth should be celebrated, you, your huge smile and the impact you had on all of us will never be forgotten!!
your baby sister