Thursday, 17 May 2012

Jeremy David

I changed my mind a million times when it came to writing this post and whether I would do it or not, obviously I have decided to do it.

Yesterday, May 16th was my eldest brother's birthday.

Jeremy David would have turned 34 yesterday.

We cannot be certain what kind of life he would be leading. We all know he would be happy. We all know he would be one hell of a man and we all know he would be going out of his way to make others feel loved. That's just who Jeremy is.

My mum believes he would have a wife and kids.

Unfortunately, he only got to experience having one girlfriend in his lifetime.

My brother was taken away from us when he was only 14, I was 5.
I do not publicise this and that is why I struggled about writing this post.
I do not use my brother's death as an excuse for anything. My mistakes are mine alone.

If you ask me, how many brothers I have, my answer has always been the same "four".
If you ask my mum how many children she has her answer has always been  the same "three".

It is hard to explain what it is like living your life when such a vital person in your life has passed away.
They are not physically there, but you know they are around.

I know Jeremy saw me graduate
I know Jeremy knows my fiance
I know Jeremy feels my pain and happiness
I know Jeremy is proud of me and sometimes
I know Jeremy is disappointed in me.

We chose to celebrate yesterday by going to 14 year old Jeremy's favourite restaurant - Sizzlers.
We chose to celebrate, because the boy who was buried in "Happy Pants" would have it no other way.

I believe everything happens for a reason, even if some things I will never know the reason for.

So here I go, posting one big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my BIGGEST big brother, the one I only have a few memories of, but the one who has taught me the most..

I love you Jeremy and we will continue to celebrate your birthday every single year, because your birth should be celebrated, you, your huge smile and the impact you had on all of us will never be forgotten!!

Love always,

your baby sister




  1. oh Sarah

    That was beautiful

    xoxo must be so hard

  2. this gave me goosbumps and sadness. i am so sorry for you. it is heartbreaking to read. i have a similar age gap with my brother and couldn't love anyone more. the glue that holds us together is more than love but somethings so special and if he ever was taken away i dont know what i would do.

    you are so strong and brave to write this down, i hope as days go by your sadness continues to lessen, and only happy memories you keep. happy pants sound funny! owww. hugs sista. xxxx

  3. Sending big hugs xxx

    It's lovely you still celebrate his birthday as a family.

  4. that's so sad... reading this at work, and i feel sad now :(

    1. I hope you understand this is not to make anyone asd or to gain sympathy, this is merely to shot out happy birthday to my brother in the biggest forum available. Too many times I try not to expose these feelings.

  5. Awwww hon!!! Sending you lots of hugs!
    You are so incredibly brave and strong and amazing for sharing this with us!


  6. Hugs to you. That must have been hard to write, but I am sure wherever he is - Jeremy would have appreciated it.


  7. Very sweet post, nothing wrong with sharing this post. I haven't lost any siblings but if I had I would have posted the same thing, it's always nice mentioning them and keeping their memory alive.

  8. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
    Happy Birthday to your big brother :)

  9. This was such a beautiful and touching post.

    Wherever he is now, you can be sure of one thing - he would be very very proud of you!

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful post with us xx

  10. This post is sad but so wonderful to read.
    I think it's great that you celebrate his birthday. I'm sure he was celebrating with you.

    Wishing him a Happy Birthday :)


  11. I love this and love how brave you are!

  12. I so admire you for posting this.. And I love how you celebrated his birthday. Losing a loved one and talking about it is never easy.
    I'm sure wherever he is, he is looking down on you and is so so proud and glad you've found someone to share your life with. xo

  13. So sweet! I am 100% sure that he is looking down on you and taking care of every step that you take. xxxx

  14. Thank you to everyone for your lovely, sweet and caring messages. I really appreciate it xxx

  15. Don't know what to say, but I have tears in my eyes.


  16. beautiful post. takes so much courage to post something like this, and for that, i stand up and applaud you.

    the part that made me cry (yes, i cried) was when u said he knows your fiance. I feel the same way about my grandmother who passed 2.5 years ago...

    Much love and hugs go out to you


  17. I cried writing this post. I have had these thoughts, feelings and beliefs my whole life, but writing them down and publishing them to the whole entire world is a whole other experience.