In the midst of all things Easter, I thought I would write a non Easter related, semi-serious post about a part of getting engaged that not many people seem to talk about.
I am writing this post after being engaged for almost 11months (WOW!) now and after talking to newly married friends of mine, who have been through the exact same experience. I am writing this post to hopefully make one engaged man or woman stress just a little less.
When your man or woman proposes to you, for most it is the single happiest moment of your life to date. You are overwhelmed with emotion, happy, excited and madly in love. As you start to inform your friends and family about your decision to spend the rest of your life together, for most people, the excitement continues, as well as the many celebrations, the silly smiles and the feeling that you are the luckiest woman/man on earth!!
The weeks, even months following the proposal, continue to be filled with this giddiness and excitement. You find yourself just staring at the rock on your finger in awe and shock, and giggling every time you say the word fiance. These are the weeks and months, where for most, it feels like life could not be better. You don't know what you did to deserve this state of happiness, but you still enjoy every second of it.
Of course, after some time, the after proposal glow starts to wear off and you and your fiance are faced with many decisions, situations and problems you never had to deal with before. Every ones situation is different, but I think it is very rare that nothing would change for a couple after the proposal. For some, they face the idea of sharing finances and moving out together. While for others, it is more about planning the engagement party, the wedding, pleasing the new in laws and fielding questions on when you will have a baby, buy a house and a station waggon. Regardless of the size of the change, there is change and most newly engaged couples are discussing things and doing things they hadn't even thought of before.
It is these little changes, that you now need to face not only as a individual, but as a couple, which I think is what leads to the little tiffs between you and your partner. By tiffs, I don't mean fights which are necessarily about anything important or significant at all. They can be and generally are about things, which in the scheme of things don't really seem to matter at all, but regardless of that, they still seem to happen more after you become engaged. These fights, coupled with the idea that this is meant to be "the happiest time of your life" make these insignificant things, seem a whole lot worse!
My newly married friends and I all admitted that there is so much pressure to be happy during your engagement... every time you tell someone the news or you see people out and you hear, "I want what you guys have" or "congratulations, you are so lucky" or "I can't wait to find a man like..." you can't help but think, hold on, I'm engaged, meant to be happy... why are we fighting so damn much?? Those thoughts tend to lead to more stress and maybe even more tiffs. Yes that's right, you start fighting about the fact that you fight. A & I had a fight just like this. If we are meant to get married, why have we started fighting more since you put this ring on my finger?
Now don't get me wrong... as a couple you are still madly in love and you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, but damn you never signed up for this. You thought by saying yes you would be entering a period of love, smiles and happiness, not family feuds, money stresses and arguments over whether what's his face's girlfriend should attend your party.
So what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that this is the reality of getting engaged... it MOST DEFINITELY is an amazing time in your life, but it is never going to be perfect, it is never going to live up to what your friends, who see you once a month, think it is or what those stupid girly movies make it out to be.
THIS IS NORMAL.
Yes, if you are seriously doubting waking up with this person everyday, you should listen to you instincts, but apart from that.. these little tiffs, these annoyances, that is what growing as a couple is about and I guarantee you there is a lot more engaged couples going through that stage in their relationship, than a perfect, teddy and bubbles stage.
This post is to tell those recently engaged or hoping to soon become engaged, that no it won't be the toughest time of your life, but it won't be perfect either and that is OKAY. This pressure society puts on us to be in a Cinderella type relationship is unrealistic and unneeded. You may not think you are one to listen to outside pressure, but since we were little we have been fed this idea of being engaged= perfect happy ever after. As soon as you push that idea away and realise this is actually what happens when your engaged, you will have one less thing to stress about.